I am

I hear


2011-06-21 - 2:29 a.m.

1.) This is my third attempt at a diary in five years.

2.) Judgmental people can push me into leaving old diaries behind.

3.) I can accept almost all religions, fetishes and viewpoints, but please do not try to force me to join you.

4.) Having close friends usually involves some sort of pressure, so I don't have many. I'm happy with that.

5.) I do not like the "drop-in".

6.) The best foods in the world are pizza and beer or BBQ Fritos dipped into a Caramilk bar.

7.) And prime rib.

8.) Because of various health issues and a thousand new allergies, I'm not allowed to eat those foods without repercussions.

9.) I do anyway.

10.) Rules cause me the truest allergic reaction.

11.) In my head, I am still a wildly sexual, dancing creature. Free.

12.) My Doc Marten's may be some sort of orthopedic boot for old punks now, but I still think they look best. And 4" heels if I don't have to walk much and can just dangle my shoe seductively.

13.) I am a professional writer by trade, and no, I won't show you any of my work or give you an opinion on yours.

14.) I prefer self-medicating to the doc's drugs. It's Canada and barely illegal.

15.) I think I've met my soul mate.

16.) I believe in soul mates now.

17.) My hair has been every colour, even olive green. Never dye white blonde and swim in chlorine.

18.) I was trying to accept that I have some grey hairs, but I'm a red head again in half an hour.

19.) Cancer sucks.

20.) Some might call me an exhibitionist, but I just have a nonchalant attitude towards restraining clothes. I do not "flaunt it", but things have a way of falling off.

21.) After losing weight everywhere else, my breasts are still bigger than I'd like. I hate them and bras. I will only wear one out or if important company drops by. What is wrong with this society that a natural woman is disgusting?

22.) I am not above wearing a push up bra and low cut top with a suit if it will gain me an edge in business.

23.) I never act ditzy and have little respect for anyone that gets lost staring into my cleavage.

24.) Three beers in, the end of this should be interesting.

25.) Right now I'm listening to NIN's Starfucker's, but Vivaldi's next.

26.) I am now a redhead again.

27.) I have moderate dyslexia. I can't follow written directions very well. My sentence structures are sometimes odd. I can't spell worth shit. I can, and will, kick your ass at "Don't Quote Me" or "Boggle" though.

28.) Beer without pizza is like eternal foreplay.

29.) My man/boy was born in 1984 and is now in university.

30.) He's taught me more than any school ever did.

31.) My favorite internet site is LastFM.com.

32.) I have a 5 year old pound puppy named Griffin and two rescue kittens, Sylar and Hiro. All are black.

33.) I've met really cool people from around the world online.

34.) If you understand why the soundtrack to the Matrix is orgasmic, you have a glimpse into me.

35.) I'll make a mix CD for anyone that asks. Ask.

36.) Surfing could break my disintegrating neck and back, or worse. I'm going to try it once anyway.

37.) Life is for living.

38.) Mmmm, doughnuts.

39.) I sometimes wear white gloves to bed with moisturizer on my hands because my great granny said I'd have claw hands when I aged without it. If my son sees me I have to sing "M-I-C See ya real soon. K-E- Y Why? Because we like you!" in Mickey's voice. He hates that.

40.) That really makes me laugh.

41.) I live with my ex-husband as a roommate. It's cool.

42.) I wore jeans in high school and then never again until last year. Spandex in denim is amazing for those who cannot bend at the knees without pain.

43.) I still prefer black bondage pants, but old punks and goths are just scary. White powder in my eye creases does not appeal.

44.) I barely have creases around my eyes. I pay a lot for magic potions to be able to say that.

45.) The Matrix Trilogy! I can't believe I haven't mentioned those movies yet. I want to rewrite it and go deeper, but it's so pretty.

46.) Firefly was my favourite television series.

47.) Not many movies entertain me and when they do, they're usually bad ones. Except the Dark Crystal.

48.) Dramatic comic books have enthralled me since I was small. If I could draw at all, I would have taken that route.

49.) My mother decided she didn't like me and at 14 put me on the streets.

50.) She admitted much later that she was jealous of my happy nature.

51.) I can happily say that no longer hurts. She has my pity, but not my money.

52.) Surviving on the streets of Toronto at that age for a few years without selling yourself or stealing is a strength.

53.) My little sister passed away when she was 23 of cystic fibrosis. She decided that she wanted to die because the pain and struggle was too much months before her death. Those last months were painful for all concerned.

54.) Quality of life will always matter more to me than quantity.

55.) My brother is one of my best friends.

56.) He is the master of anonymous pranks of the masses.

57.) It is never funny to laugh at or make fun of me.

58.) The fact that I adore the Pillsbury Doughboy was a secret until recently. How does a goth look holding onto a 16" puppet of him and cooing? He's so soft and puffy though.

59.) The puppet of my Doughboy sits on the Bowflex in my room, along with my huge U-shaped desk, my bed, four bins of material, a small display cabinet, Cd's & books and a dresser. Yes, I have enough floor space to toss all my clothes.

60.) I don't know how many times I've moved now. It's way over thirty.

61.) Longing for a permanent home used to be a constant. Now I wonder if I could stay after it's redecorated and starts to get dirty.

62.) Drawing stick figures is beyond me, but walls make for wonderful landscapes with the right paints and glazes.

63.) Growing up across from Detroit, I find anyone that says they don�t like Motown suspect at first.

64.) Being without a bathroom nearby is horror.

65.) I do not "rough it" happily. My few camping trips have been ruined by thunderstorms and a tornado. I may bring the cloud over my head, but we all know that everyone looks better in dim light, so there you go.

66.) The cottage I spend summers, Christmas or New Years in is up north and while it is comfortably furnished, has electricity, running water and a store nearby, it is in the forest and has no internet. I cry.

67.) My mounted picture of Livia's Garden is still one of my favorite things. It is a photograph of the garden fresco that Livia, wife of Augustus Caesar, sat and saw every day. Little else was found amongst the ruins but this one remaining piece of wall. I see what she saw.

68.) Robert Graves, wrote I, Claudius, (where I first heard of Livia), amongst other historical classics. He is one of my idols.

69.) My favorite short story is Emile Zola's Attack On The Mill. He captures the breath taking scenery in so few words. The ending is stupendous even today, maybe especially today.

70.) Being a female Canadian writer does not mean I admire Margaret Atwood, Alice Munro or Margaret Lawrence. In fact...

71.) I'm not a fan of chick lit no matter how you dress it up.

72.) I'm not a huge fan of any of this century�s writer's. I really prefer old historical accounts of daily life or rulers. They may be completely wrong, but they work to convince you so wonderfully.

73.) The only paper journal I keep anymore is a boring health one.

74.) I taught myself to crochet by watching my granny. I do it all backwards, but it works.

75.) I've often thought about taking a course on organization because I'm lazy and would like things to run smoothly. I'm too lazy to take the course.

76.) Swimming is something I never learned how to do, but I love playing in the water. (I have taught myself to swim now.)

77.) I have a jack-in-the-box, but "jack" is the Wicked Witch from The Wizard Of Oz. It plays the Flying Monkey theme.

78.) Growing up in Windsor, Ontario taught me that there's no place like home. Since it's referred to as The Armpit of Ontario, that's a good thing.

79.) I can design clothes, cut and sew them, but I'll be damned if I want to hem them.

80.) Finishing anything is a bore. It's learning how that enthralls me.

81.) Finishing things can be done and I sold outfits to bands and other hapless souls for lots of money.

82.) Most of what I make and own now goes to charities. No matter how little I own at times, I have a roof and food and know I'm better off than some.

83.) I like laughing more than doughnuts, beer, prime rib and Fritos all put together.

84.) I used to stutter and still do when I'm really nervous. Most of the time I laugh now when I think I might stutter, even when it's inappropriate. I hate that.

85.) Even when I'm trying to be "normal", I get called eccentric or different. I think a lot of people haven't experienced a lot of grieving or abuse and it makes you wiser once you get past it. Ha!

86.) I said nothing about maturity.

87.) Maturity is futile. Aging means you learn daily how uneducated you are.

88.) I should have put this at the beginning. My name is Catherine Lynne. I am called Caitlyn, Kitten or Cat for short. I wish my name was something different and unique. There were six Catherines in my grade four class.

89.) I cannot watch horror films, reality TV or anything gory, yet Unreal Tournament makes me laugh. I am the Frag Queen.

90.) Nintendo, Coke and Macs; I always root for the underdog. Plus, I've never had a virus.

91.) Nothing is better than crawling into a warm bed straight out of a hot bath dripping wet.

92.) I'm fairly certain that my real life includes chefs, maids and chauffeurs. I have no idea how I got here.

93.) I love RPG's and will play until I get 100% of the game.

94.) I drink pots of decaffeinated coffee because I'm not allowed caffeine. People who have seen me on caffeine will go out of their way to make sure I don't have any.

95.) The colour orange really bothers me.

96.) I rarely recognize myself in pictures. I try to avoid that scenario completely.

97.) Until recently, I had a size 5 pair of pants that I wore a decade ago. I've given up on the idea of ever being that size again.

98.) I ran up the CN Tower stairs for charity. I wish I'd just written them a cheque.

99.) <----My favorite number.

4 Poked Me And Died

Stale - Fresh